Who You Gonna Call?

Alternate Ending to The Empire Strikes Back

• Darth Vader: "Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father."
• Luke: "He told me enough! He told me you killed him!"
• Darth Vader: "No! I am your father!"
• Luke: "No, it's not true! It's impossible."
• Darth Vader: "Search your feelings; you know it to be true."
• Luke: "NO!"
• Darth Vader: "Yes, it is true and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?"
• Luke: "Threepio?"
• Darth Vader: "Yes, Threepio, I built him when I was seven years old."
• Luke: "No."
• Darth Vader: "Seven years old? And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp."
• Luke: "I destroyed your precious Death Star!"
• Darth Vader: "When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!"
• Luke: "Well, it's not my fault."
• Darth Vader: "Oh, here we go. 'Poor me, my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday, boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith .. waahhh wahhh!'"
• Luke: "Shut up."
• Darth Vader: "You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!"
• Luke: "I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon!"
• Darth Vader: "Oh, for the love of the Emperor, 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open. Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer, right here baby!
• Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step toward it.
• Darth Vader: "I was wrong. You're not my kid. I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine."
• Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.
• Darth Vader looks after him.
• Darth Vader: "And get a haircut!"

62 notes